Feeling that “big O” can be a tricky little sucker. Sometimes it’s easy — maybe reading Literotica or a frisky bout of car sex made it happen — and you get to enjoy the delicious warmth that radiates through your body. Other times, though? Not so much. So, what’s a grown-ass woman in charge of her sexuality to do? One word: edging. Edging means coming super close to orgasm… and then stopping yourself from really going there at the last minute. Sounds bananas, we know. Who would do that? But learning how to edge yourself is a great little tool to keep in your sex tool belt when it comes to making your orgasms better.
While the term has become more trendy as of late, the technique has actually been around since 1956 when it was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine by James H. Semans (a very apropos surname). He introduced edging as the “stop-start method” to help folks last longer before reaching orgasm. Longer sex, better orgasms? Sounds like edging is a win-win situation.
If you’re curious about giving edging a whirl, here’s what else you need to know about this steamy practice.
What is edging?
Think of edging as if you’re juuuuuust about to jump off the edge of a cliff but then, right before you pull the chute, you stop. Essentially, you get yourself to the point where you’re about to climax and hit the brakes. In keeping with the car analogy, imagine you’re driving. At 0 mph, you’re unaroused; 50 mph, you’re aroused; 100 mph, you’re having a full-blown orgasm. With edging, you want to be cruising around 80 mph.
Now, again, why on earth would you do this? Because when you’re able to perfect this practice in succession — meaning you edge, you pull back, you edge, you pull back — you’re preparing yourself to have one heck of an orgasm. Think of edging as the definition of anticipation when it comes to arousal.
While edging makes for a more satisfying orgasm for women, it serves a different purpose for men. As reported initially by Mr. Semans back in the day, edging for a man helps him avoid pre-ejaculating. If your partner is male, this is a plus for both of you — it not only helps him last longer in bed but also allows him to get in tune with his body. Think about it: If a man can control when and how he orgasms, he will be more present and confident in the sack. And that, well, it will only elevate your sex life.
Let’s not forget as well that edging is a fun and exciting exploration of your body, whether you’re with a partner or self-pleasuring.
How do you know if you’re having an orgasm?
Before you start learning how to edge, it’s important to know what it feels like when you’re aroused and ready to have an orgasm. Of course, orgasming is different for everyone, but it will generally look and feel like this:
- Excitement. Your body will start to feel excited, from a racing heartbeat to a flushed appearance. Blood will rush to your genitals, which will cause the vagina to get wet and the scrotum to withdraw.
- Plateau. At this point, everything in your body is feeling more intense. You’re about to reach orgasm. And when you’re edging, this is where you should stop — just at the point that you know will take you to…
- Orgasm. You feel ecstatic. A release of nerves and muscles happens here, as your vagina lubricates even more so, and the penis ejaculates. Granted, this is the stage you’re trying to avoid when you’re edging. (Don’t worry; that Jedi-level willpower pays off in the end.)
How do you edge yourself?
Now you’re ready to edge yourself. It’s suggested that before edging with a partner, you first start practicing with yourself. That way, you’ll get to know your body’s rhythm more intimately (no pun intended) and can figure out what exactly your edge feels like.
1. Make your environment peaceful and seductive.
No one wants to touch themselves and get all sexy when the kids are screaming, the fan is blaring, and you’re not feeling, you know, sexy. So, make sure to dedicate some alone time in a secluded area that is peaceful and makes you feel sensual AF.
2. Listen to your body
Masturbating (or even learning to masturbate) is an excellent opportunity to be intentional about your body. How does it feel when you touch yourself? In what ways do you like to be stimulated? How does your body respond? What subtle shifts are happening and when? These are good indicators of what to pay attention to when it comes to your state of arousal and how close you’re edging towards orgasm.
3. Stop stimulation.
When you feel like you’re about to orgasm, stop yourself. We know, we know. But that’s the whole point of edging, remember?
4. Take a break and repeat.
Here comes more fun stuff! Now you get to pleasure yourself again and, again, get yourself to the point of coming before — you guessed it! — stopping.
After one or two times of the above, now you can go all the way and let yourself go for that big O.
Congratulations! You’ve just learned how to edge yourself. When doing this with a partner, it’s a good idea to take turns because our edging can’t always sync up with each other. Oh, well! It will still be an o-mazing experience for both of you!